The Happiest Place on Earth for 99.9% of You

"Conversations with Michael Eisner" debuted last night on CNBC. The title pretty much says it all - a real barn burner. There were three guests, including Martha Stuart and this guy:

"Eisner then sat down with Bran Ferren --"part innovator, part scientist." Ferren designed the Tower of Terror as Disney's "head of technology" under Eisner. On the design requirements of the free- fall ride, Ferren noted, "If you only kill one tenth of one percent of [your customers], it's not good for business."

Note the interesting use of the word "only". Apparently its good business sense to kill at least one in every thousand people who walk in the gates, just to keep ball rolling. That's been our philosophy at DNBU since the beginning - and we don't even have an MBA! Everything in moderation, though. We try to keep the reader-kill ratio around 1 in 500. Less than that just isn't realistic - we have needs, too.

Defamer has a good recap.

K-Fed Answers Wilmer's Bid for Supreme Jackass Crown

K-Feezy has announced that his new album, due to release in August, will be titled Playing With Fire.

"In a statement released through his publicist on Tuesday, Federline, billed as "performer and rapper," says: "The inspiration and meaning behind the title … is self explanatory, (because) my album is sure to set the dance floors across the world on fire!"

You can thank People for this tripe.

B-Grade Star Reveals D-Grade Manners, A-Grade Taste

Wilmer Valderrama, whose fleeting fame will hopefully be permanently snuffed out when his ridiculous reality show is cancelled after 3 episodes, is a classless fuckwit. He gleefully confirmed it yesterday on Howard Stern's radio show when he listed off all the famous women he's had sex with (including Mandy Moore and Jennifer Love Hewitt), complete with details about who likes what and who was a virgin. Just when you think that K-Fed has once and for all claimed the title Errant Jackass Supreme, this guy steps up and takes the competition to a whole new level.

If you read the exerpts, you're just as bad as he is, you filthy monkey.

It's Time to Update Your Standards

In a development that will surprise no one who's seen pictures of Angelina Jolie lately, FHM readers have bumped her down a notch on the sexy scale. Experts agree that her appeal has dwindled in perfect ratio with the shrinking circumference of her arms.


Surprisingly, man-voiced mammary stand and wooden actress Scarlett Johansson was voted to the top spot instead, while Jessica Alba came in third.


Teri Hatcher also made the list, making us wonder what kind of mouth-breathers comprise the readership of FHM.

From Monsters and Critics

DNBU Reading Corner: Insider's Tip!

The first paperback edition of a little known book titled "The Da Vinci Code", is set to release in the U.S. in April. The obscure novel, about a treasure hunt or something, has been languishing in hardcover for years, said author Dan Brown.


"Maybe now we can finally make some money on this stupid albatross," said a spokesman for Random House, the volume's publisher. "But I doubt it," he added.

from BBC NEWS

Medicare Doesn't Work Over There Either

"A hospital porter completes two jobs in one, moving a patient, and bags of equipment, from an old wing to a new one at the Huaxi hospital in Chengdu, China."

From BBC NEWS

I know it was you, EA. You Broke My Heart!

Another herald of the coming Apocalypse: The Godfather has been made into a video game. In related news, the tears of Seraphim continue to rain celetial sorrow on Earth, and Francis Ford Coppola's soul is now the official property of his accountant with Ernst and Young, a Mr. Beelzebub.


Click for a review of the abomination.

Tolkein Would Die Again If He Could

The state of the environment and the fact that we will almost certainly be dead before the second act notwithstanding, DNBU would like to take the time to let you know about an artistic phenomenon that is sweeping Toronto, namely "Lord of the Rings: The Musical!"


This is freaking genius. Great Books + Good Movies = Swinging Musical Romp! How can you lose? Apparently, this is how:

"Everyone and everything winds up lost in this $25m adaptation of JRR Tolkien's cult-inspiring trilogy of fantasy novels. That includes plot, character and the patience of most ordinary theatregoers. The musical numbers are solemn, incantatory affairs, suggesting Enya at an ashram. Many of them are performed at least partly in Elvish." (courtesy of BBC NEWS)

IN ELVISH, people.

Your Terrifying Coffee Table: Global Warming

Apparently, the end of (our) time has finally come. I know, I know - they said it would take hundreds of years before the human race would be forced into extinction by our own arrogance and greed, but they were wrong, weren't they? We've actually only got about 50 years or so. And that's if the process doesn't speed up, which the scientific community assures us it will. So we're saying a safe estimate is like, I don't know, a couple hours. So if anyone's having a killer party tonight, shoot us an Evite, cool? Cool.


For the most terrifying article you will ever read before the artic waters flood your living room, click HERE.

US Military Puts on Expensive Display of Strength, Stupidity. Again.

Why are we not surprised by this? The U.S. launched the largest air assault op since they snagged Saddam, searching for insurgent leaders in Iraq - and they announced it in advance:

The international news agencies immediately rang the urgent bells on the story.
Around the world, programmes were interrupted as screens flashed the news, which dominated the global media agenda for the next 12 hours or more.
[U.S.-led forces] detained 48 people, of whom 17 were freed without delay. Officials said they did not believe they had captured any significant insurgent leaders.
"Any leaders there must have seen the forces coming, and escaped," said one senior Iraqi security source.

Yeah, 'seen the forces coming' on Aljazeera nightly news eight hours in advance, no doubt. Next time, boys, maybe you might consider NOT calling the entire world in on your surprise search.

P.S. Nobody likes you.


Full Story on BBC NEWS

Geeks Do Something With Computers, Get Very Excited

Two anonymous hackers have managed to get Windows running on a Mac, and are generating a truly stupid amount of publicity over a meaningless technological feat that will make no difference in your life at all. The Geek/Dork/Nerd community writhes in ecstasy while the rest of the world collectively rolls it's eyes.

You don't care about the full story.

BREAKING: Brangelina A Major Disappointment to Voyeurs Everywhere

In an outrageous show of absolutely nothing at all, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (above, in a still from 2005's Mr. and Mrs. Smith) failed to get married this weekend, dashing the hopes of an entire town of obsessive Italians, not to mention the world. After much speculation that the famous couple would wed at pal George Clooney's nearby villa, residents of Cernobbio (henceforth referred to as Nobs) waited fruitlessly for for two days for the pair to arrive. Finally, they packed up their folding chairs and hugely inflated senses of entitlement and went home. The mood was grim as residents expressed outrage at being denied their dog and pony show. "We are at the end of our rope," said Giuseppe Salvioni, mayor of the town and spokesman for all Nobs.

Full Story at: BBC News

Guy From Desperate Housewives Engaged to Michael Bolton

Who does that tranny think he's foolin? Well, besides Michael Bolton, obviously.

(p.s. - although we've chosen a pic of Mr. B in his Freddy Mercury phase, we must acknowlege that, with the help of time and a dance with the barber's shears, he's actually kinda hot these days)

You Know You'd Do Him

Even Usher was stymied about what he was doing at the YMCA Black/Hispanic Achievers Teen Leadership Summit in Chicago, but what the hell - it wasn't the first time he'd woken up in a pile of cheerleaders at the Y.

66 Yr Old Man, Fugly Man Have Much Hotter Girlfriends Then You Ever Will

And no, they're not going to tell you what they have that you don't have. But it must be HUGE- I mean... um, a really, REALLY good personality! Look, the fugly one even appears to have dribbled a bit on his own belly paunch and the girl he's pawing STILL seems smug being with him.

Captain Jane T. Kirk

Natalie Portman arrived to accept her ShoWest award fresh off the set of Star Trek: Two Generations Ago. Clearly, she hasn't yet mastered the Vulcan peace sign.

Dog the Proof That God Hates Us

I can't get an audition to SAVE MY LIFE, and a show that stars this JACKASS is going into it's 3rd season. Clearly, life is a crapfest in every particular.

Awards Show Honors All Those Who Showed Up at Awards Show

In keeping with this year's theme of Doing Whatever It Takes To Get As Many Celebrities As Possible In the Door, M. Night Shyamalan took home ShoWest's 2006 Director of the Year Award despite not having released a movie since 2004. Also honored were Hugh Jackman as Male Star of the Year, and Brandon Routh for having the same chin as Christopher Reeve.

University of Lilliput Seeking Really Burly Librarians

Banana Hammock Now Inside Your Lunchbox!

Dear America's Innovators,
Well DONE, fellas! Bruise-free bananas for everyone! They're gonna eat this UP in the Phillipines! Now, about the energy crisis...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, GO!

DNBU is proud to present, well, itself. While we try to think of something relevent to say, why not order up a Mai Tai and check out the links?